Fear of aging, Nikki Giovanni, why you should occasionally let Saturn give you a good rogering, and why time is working for you
Nikki Giovanni
There’s a lovely Fairport Convention song called “Who Knows Where The Time Goes?” Why am I telling you about it? I was reflecting on the 27 Club and the like. The writer of that song, Sandy Denny, also passed at a very young age. Shortly after being my mildly morbid self, I got the news about one of my heroes I actually enjoyed meeting: Nikki Giovanni. She died yesterday. She has always been one of my advancing through time role models. One of my favorite poems of hers references Prince, someone I quite honestly expected to live to a long, crotchety, critical, naughty age. He was also someone deeply inspired by a prominent member of the 27 Club (who was totally murdered), Jimi Hendrix. If you don’t know what the 27 Club is, a number of prominent artists passed away during their 4th house profection year/nodal reversal/prelude to their Saturn return.
Once you’ve been 27, it seems like a shockingly young age. You’re a baby adult at that point, though things tend to go better if you have some self-concept and gumption. Note that there’s no way this self-concept is totally fixed, but you ideally have some kind of self-query process and a capacity for stillness. I don’t quite understand all of the agita around 30. Now back to Nikki Giovanni: she is someone I greatly admire and in life, she proved to be a potent example of what it means to grow with time. That matters. You got the real sense she was living.
So many people have an antagonistic relationship with time. They think of time as a thief. Time is there as a scapegoat & villain. Because what’s supposed to heal you? Time. (A lie from the pits of Tartarus, you heal you. Time increases your likelihood of more experience, which leads to perspective and, usually, distance from impact.) What distances you from opportunity (while allegedly carrying closer)? Time. What steals your mobility? Time. It could never be you not moving the way you used to because of your outdated sense of what’s possible for you. What steals your options? Time.
I am very Saturnian natally. What does that mean? I have 7 personal placements mostly squeezed up against one another in Capricorn & Aquarius. Yeah. I didn’t like being a child. “Why are these people trying to tell me what to do?” I quite literally tripped out at the pediatrician’s office because I wanted to know just why, precisely, they wanted my pee. As an adult, I definitely enjoy preserving my childlike spirit; this is not the same thing as being childish, though I have my moments. Time is my ally and avowed companion. I used to despise it for moving so slowly. I hated the concept of “divine timing.” Because what are you even talking about? Something’s happening or it isn’t. That’s the material question. Let’s focus, mamas. (That was typed Gina Rodriguez-ly.)
Saturn, which rules time, is very good at pushing you to sort through your psychospiritual & material clutter. It’s very good at forcing you to dictate your priorities and letting you know when a particular window is closing. When you have a good relationship with Saturn/time, you don’t see this as threatening. It’s just offering you choices. You have to decide what you want and begin constructing. You don’t have to live very long to know some things are finite in our collective reality. I’m thinking of being offered a sweet and deciding I want it after the person offering has already gone. Saturn makes you sit up and notice your own desires, your capacity for them, and what’s necessary to claim them. With time as your ally, you begin to construct your life in such a way that you feel secure and proud. Your passion is baked in, so when you look around the corners of your experience you are pleased.
Saturn always, always, always delivers and Saturn discriminates. The word discrimination originally comes from the Latin verb “discernere.” Look like anything useful? Jupiter can be fickle… indiscriminately so, hence it ruling “luck”; ask Hera and literally everyone else. I know “discrimination” gets a bad rap, but the election and recent Supreme Court rulings should totally remind you that it’s fine. I’m obviously joking, but you should never be afraid to become more discerning, which Saturn offers you on a platter. You just have to walk over to get it. That seems like a lot of work when you invest heavily in seeing time as “enemy.” You start thinking the dish is poisoned, someone didn’t wash their hands, etc. etc. etc. (That was said Yul Brynner-ly. I’m not gonna touch the dynamics on that one.) When Saturn roughs your stuff up, Saturn always delivers better if you allow it. You should opt in where you’re able. (Hint: you’re able everywhere.)
In various poems and interviews, Giovanni expressed a strong belief in transmutation over time. She viewed death not as “the end” but as the beginning of another phase. There’s one particularly lovely interview she gave where she talked about liking diamonds and knowing that when she holds a stone in her hand, she knows she is holding part of someone from the past. It is incredibly sobering and comforting to remember that matter is neither created nor destroyed. I am sure I paraphrased that incorrectly, but if I find the interview, I will link it. I met Nikki Giovanni when I was around 22 as I walked down the street in my Massachusetts college town with a close friend of mine. She was alive. She was poised. She was composed. She was warm and open. It wasn’t effusiveness but joyful gravitas (another thing Saturn rules). I’ve decided to grow that way as I grow with time.
As you can see, I’ve thought about time quite a bit. It’s not a constant preoccupation. It’s not done out of anxiety. I know I will do all that I am called to do because there is no other option. There’s a degree of obedience in my devotion to my earthly mission. I don’t know how long it will be because that’s not in my job description. I do have complete control over how eagerly I engage with my life. So do you.
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